a q&a with neko case

Neko Case: Good afternoon, Ms. Middlebrook...
Lia Middlebrook: Good afternoon, Neko. And please, call me Lia.

NC: Okay, Lia, I just want to start off by thanking you for taking the time to meet with me. I´ve been looking forward to this day for a long time.
LM: Oh, it´s my pleasure! I´m a big fan of your work - this is as much of an honor for me as it is for you.

NC: Well, I´m flattered. I´ve been following your blog, and would really love to be able to dig a little deeper into what you´re experiencing in Argentina. Although I feel like I have a good understanding of your outward struggles and triumphs, I´m interested in exploring some of the internal battles you´re fighting as well, specifically in regards to your plans for the future.
LM: That´s a great idea - I was just thinking I wanted to give my readers a taste of what´s been going on underneath this impenetrable surface of mine.

NC: Wonderful. Well let´s jump right in. You seem to have a good sense of self, but it appears that your path in life isn´t defined quite yet. Do you ever feel like your soul is casting about like an old paper bag?
LM: Hmm, interesting question. I suppose if I had to choose between ¨Yes¨ and ¨No,¨ I´d have to go with ¨No,¨ but there´s a lot of gray area involved.

NC: Care to explain?
LM: Well, you´re right - I´m still so unsure of what I´d like to do with my life, and am having trouble defining what my greater purpose is going to be. These types of doubts cause a fair amount of worry - I mean, I´ve now entered my mid-twenties, and have suddenly realized that instead of heading full-force towards a defined objective, I am dabbling in this and that without making any real progress towards figuring out which area I´d like to settle myself into. However, I feel like I know myself well, and am incredibly fortunate to have endless options and people who will support me in whatever path I choose. So I suppose you could say that my soul is like a paper bag full of dreams, casting about in encouraging winds of change.... far away from empty lots and early graves, I hope.

NC: Speaking of casting about, do you ever find yourself gathering momentum just for the sake of momentum?
LM: (Laughing.) All of the time. It´s kind of how I´ve operated since I was little - I get an idea in my head, and I´m stubborn enough that I just plow straight through until I´ve brought that idea to life, checked it off my list. I mean, this whole moving-to-Argentina concept was formed back in college, and it was going to eat away at me forever if I didn´t pull through. Sometimes I´m not even sure why I wanted to move here so badly, but I´ve learned not to get in the way of myself. Things have worked out pretty well for me, following this tactic, and I suppose I´ll stick with it until it starts to fail. I believe that committing fully to something, even if there are unknowns, is better than holding back and never knowing what could have been.

NC: So you think that if you knew then what´s so obvious now, you´d still be here?
LM: Most definitely. Because what´s become so obvious to me is that this was something I absolutely had to do. To prove to myself that I´m capable and independent, to live without regrets, to see from afar how strong of a relationship I´m in, to gain a little perspective on my life and the importance of the people in it. I wouldn´t change my decision, even if it has brought me loneliness and sadness at times.

NC: During those times of loneliness, did you ever think that you could outrun sorrow?
LM: I now know better than to think I could ever outrun any emotion. I´ve experienced a lot of doubt about my future and my career, and I have to admit, I thought that by coming to South America I could outrun that doubt, forget all about it. I was defininitely wrong about that. I´m filled with as much uncertainty here as I ever was, but I´ve learned that it´s completely normal and okay for me to question myself, because through those questions, I can only imagine I´ll find some answers.

NC: You seem to be filled with such optimism; however, are there things that you´re still so afraid of?
LM: Of course. Isn´t everyone? I´m afraid that I´ll waste my youth, that I won´t find a rewarding career, that I´ll look back on my life and wish I would have done more. But I´m figuring out that instead of fearing these things, I should just work as hard as possible to make sure they don´t happen. In that way, something as negative as fear can be used to create something positive.

NC: I suppose you´re right. Now, I have a question that isn´t necessarily related, but is more of a guilty-pleasure, something I´ve always wanted to ask you.
LM: Go for it.

NC: Would you say you´re more like Margaret or Pauline?
LM: Oooh, that´s an easy one! Pauline, hands down. Life has always been easy for me - something that I´ve noted, and tried my best not to take for granted, but also questioned. What did I do to deserve a life so rich with love and friendship and filled with the kinds of opportunities I´ve had? What do I need to dedicate my life to in order to send all of this good karma back out into the world? Fate has held me firm in its cradle, and in that sense I feel like Pauline. I´m still working on the ¨cool and collected¨ part of the role, but it´s coming along. Once I have that perfected I´ll just need some cinnamon highlights in my hair, which I can probably get for under $20 here in Buenos Aires.

NC: (Laughing.) That sounds like a plan. Well, that´s all I have for you today. This has been a real pleasure, and I hope we can do it again some day.
LM: Oh yes, I´d like that very much.